A fictional news-story with real possibility[i]:
Madame Chief Justice Beverley McLachlin²
Move over Dolly[ii], local biotechnology laboratory Doppelganger has made a colossal leap for humankind, creating Canada's first ever human clone from abandoned DNA collected from garbage. Since the Supreme Court's ruling on trash in 2009 (R. v. Patrick[iii]), investigators for the biotechnology giant have seized mammoth quantities of information from trash located on the fringe of properties across Canada. Ironically, Canada's first bio-baby was cloned from DNA obtained from the garbage of Madame Chief Justice Beverley McLachlin, who sat on the unanimous court panel which decided there was no reasonable expectation of privacy in garbage abandoned for collection at the property line.
"This isn't just any baby McLachlin", pipes Doppelganger spokesperson Reginald Pompernickel, "this is an uber-child".
"You see, not only did we collect the Chief Justice's DNA from discarded biological material, we managed to cobble together a host of additional information which aided in the construction of what we expect to be a near perfect biological specimen".
Though Pompernickel was unwilling to divulge particulars, Doppelganger insiders report that its scientists managed to identify and eliminate a host of potentially problematic genetic maladies.
"Put it this way", beams Pompernickel, "do you think the six million dollar version of Beverley McLachlin is going to be an asthmatic"?
Over the years, collecting bags of information has become an industry for more than sanitation engineers, bottle pickers, identity thieves, mischievous children, alley cats and police. The Government of Canada has recently begun surveying waste to discover important demographic trends. Last month, the Alberta Government tabled legislation extending rules on trash to permit specially designated Waste Officers to enter onto private property to collect any garbage in plain view of the public. Calgary's Mayor lauded the initiative, saying "waste in plain view on private property is an eyesore for those enjoying the splendour of our public streets".
The garbage debate has percolated steadily since the Supreme Court of Canada trashed Russell Stephen Patrick's appeal on April 9th, 2009. And things are sure to heat up, as lawyers for both Canada's top judge and Ontario's Child Welfare Services prepare a host of legal challenges against Doppelganger. Chief spokesperson for the Supreme Court of Canada, Ingrid Ingersporin expressed her concerns on behalf of Justice Beverley McLachlin: "her Ladyship was shocked to learn that her information was used in this way and is presently considering her legal position".
Doppelganger's in-house counsel, Artemis Ledingbringer responded: "Unfortunately for the Chief Justice, she had done everything she could to commit her bags of waste to the municipal collection system. They were unprotected and within easy reach of anyone walking in the public space along her property line and therefore, she had objectively abandoned her privacy interest in the contents of her garbage. According to Madame Justice McLachlin, and every other Supreme Court Justice, since she abandoned her property, Doppelganger had every right to collect it. What we do with it is our business".
Some have chided Doppelganger for using biological information obtained from garbage found on the fringe of private property. Alberta's Justice Minister said, "what I fail to understand is why Doppelganger would stoop to such ends when it has a library of genetic profiles voluntarily submitted by numerous persons, including myself and Calgary's Chief of Police".
Madame Chief Justice Beverley McLachlin²
Move over Dolly[ii], local biotechnology laboratory Doppelganger has made a colossal leap for humankind, creating Canada's first ever human clone from abandoned DNA collected from garbage. Since the Supreme Court's ruling on trash in 2009 (R. v. Patrick[iii]), investigators for the biotechnology giant have seized mammoth quantities of information from trash located on the fringe of properties across Canada. Ironically, Canada's first bio-baby was cloned from DNA obtained from the garbage of Madame Chief Justice Beverley McLachlin, who sat on the unanimous court panel which decided there was no reasonable expectation of privacy in garbage abandoned for collection at the property line.
"This isn't just any baby McLachlin", pipes Doppelganger spokesperson Reginald Pompernickel, "this is an uber-child".
"You see, not only did we collect the Chief Justice's DNA from discarded biological material, we managed to cobble together a host of additional information which aided in the construction of what we expect to be a near perfect biological specimen".
Though Pompernickel was unwilling to divulge particulars, Doppelganger insiders report that its scientists managed to identify and eliminate a host of potentially problematic genetic maladies.
"Put it this way", beams Pompernickel, "do you think the six million dollar version of Beverley McLachlin is going to be an asthmatic"?
Over the years, collecting bags of information has become an industry for more than sanitation engineers, bottle pickers, identity thieves, mischievous children, alley cats and police. The Government of Canada has recently begun surveying waste to discover important demographic trends. Last month, the Alberta Government tabled legislation extending rules on trash to permit specially designated Waste Officers to enter onto private property to collect any garbage in plain view of the public. Calgary's Mayor lauded the initiative, saying "waste in plain view on private property is an eyesore for those enjoying the splendour of our public streets".
The garbage debate has percolated steadily since the Supreme Court of Canada trashed Russell Stephen Patrick's appeal on April 9th, 2009. And things are sure to heat up, as lawyers for both Canada's top judge and Ontario's Child Welfare Services prepare a host of legal challenges against Doppelganger. Chief spokesperson for the Supreme Court of Canada, Ingrid Ingersporin expressed her concerns on behalf of Justice Beverley McLachlin: "her Ladyship was shocked to learn that her information was used in this way and is presently considering her legal position".
Doppelganger's in-house counsel, Artemis Ledingbringer responded: "Unfortunately for the Chief Justice, she had done everything she could to commit her bags of waste to the municipal collection system. They were unprotected and within easy reach of anyone walking in the public space along her property line and therefore, she had objectively abandoned her privacy interest in the contents of her garbage. According to Madame Justice McLachlin, and every other Supreme Court Justice, since she abandoned her property, Doppelganger had every right to collect it. What we do with it is our business".
Some have chided Doppelganger for using biological information obtained from garbage found on the fringe of private property. Alberta's Justice Minister said, "what I fail to understand is why Doppelganger would stoop to such ends when it has a library of genetic profiles voluntarily submitted by numerous persons, including myself and Calgary's Chief of Police".
Alberta's voluntary DNA collection program began as a springboard for discussion about proposed legislation requiring all Canadians to submit a DNA profile for storage on a nationwide database. After all, if government officials are prepared to submit, why not all Canadians?
"All I can say about that", responded Pompernickel, "is that it is not always cost-effective to perfect certain genotypes".
Though the Chief Justice may be concerned about her six-million dollar double, it appears she has good genes.
Submitted by:
David G. Chow
Barrister
Fagan & Chow
www.faganandchow.com
[i] Though this article is completely fictitious it represents, in the writer's view, a sardonic response to the the Supreme Court's decision in R. v. Russell Stephen Patrick. I am hoping this spoof will inspire dialogue on what I perceive to be serious privacy related problems emanating from the Supreme Court judgment. Additionally, I am grateful to lawyer Michael Bates who supplied me with the rather witty title for this exposition: Madame Chief Justice Beverley McLachlin².
[ii] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dolly_the_sheep
[iii] [2009] S.C.J. No. 17 (S.C.C.)
"All I can say about that", responded Pompernickel, "is that it is not always cost-effective to perfect certain genotypes".
Though the Chief Justice may be concerned about her six-million dollar double, it appears she has good genes.
Submitted by:
David G. Chow
Barrister
Fagan & Chow
www.faganandchow.com
[i] Though this article is completely fictitious it represents, in the writer's view, a sardonic response to the the Supreme Court's decision in R. v. Russell Stephen Patrick. I am hoping this spoof will inspire dialogue on what I perceive to be serious privacy related problems emanating from the Supreme Court judgment. Additionally, I am grateful to lawyer Michael Bates who supplied me with the rather witty title for this exposition: Madame Chief Justice Beverley McLachlin².
[ii] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dolly_the_sheep
[iii] [2009] S.C.J. No. 17 (S.C.C.)
